My Daily 15 Minutes: Friends

During my retreat, I was encouraged to spend at least fifteen(15) minutes in silence to reflect more on my life, self and others. I have never put that to practice until today. I don't know if I will be able to sustain this daily habit, but this will be an attempt. :)

Today, I thought of my friends. Good friends, old friends. Some came, some left. It bothered me that most friends (who I just had few years ago) either backstabbed or turned their backs behind me. Only a few left. It made me wonder, Am I a bad person that the people who I considered my 'true friends' left me? Or have I expected too much of the definition of 'friendship' and 'trust'? or maybe I'm just not used to people talking behind my back?

I know for a fact that sometimes I have the tendency to get preeeeetty annoying but for sure, (and sadly) it wasn't intentional. I may act differently, but I never had mean or bad intentions for anyone. I guess I'm just always misunderstood by the dynamic and random facial expressions I have. And my voice? Uh. I'm sensitive to noise, but I'm not sensitive to my voice. (Seriously.)

I guess it's because sometimes in our life, we get hurt. That's reality. It's just a shame that I trusted those people. Misplaced trust, I'd coin it. Then eventually, I realized --that generally-- in my life, I have placed my trust in the very wrong people and when that hits me, it just. hurts.

I remember an old, good friend who said, that it's better to leave a little percent of that trust to yourself to keep people from betraying you. (Well, I cannot give a precise connotation of that, but that's the point) Prevent people from getting too close.Before I was disagreeing with it because I figured it's too selfish. Today, however, I reflected that maybe no. It wasn't. It's right to keep a little to yourself.. for self-defense at least.

And no. I don't think anyone's generally bad or mean. No one is. Perhaps just misunderstood.

I guess I need to reflect more to determine who among those people deserve my preserved 10% trust.

This blogpost is too serious mehn. :s

here's a random pic:

One of the pictures that I look really annoying. Yes, I'm continuing my self hating for this post. xD