My Daily 15 Minutes: Friends

During my retreat, I was encouraged to spend at least fifteen(15) minutes in silence to reflect more on my life, self and others. I have never put that to practice until today. I don't know if I will be able to sustain this daily habit, but this will be an attempt. :)

Today, I thought of my friends. Good friends, old friends. Some came, some left. It bothered me that most friends (who I just had few years ago) either backstabbed or turned their backs behind me. Only a few left. It made me wonder, Am I a bad person that the people who I considered my 'true friends' left me? Or have I expected too much of the definition of 'friendship' and 'trust'? or maybe I'm just not used to people talking behind my back?

I know for a fact that sometimes I have the tendency to get preeeeetty annoying but for sure, (and sadly) it wasn't intentional. I may act differently, but I never had mean or bad intentions for anyone. I guess I'm just always misunderstood by the dynamic and random facial expressions I have. And my voice? Uh. I'm sensitive to noise, but I'm not sensitive to my voice. (Seriously.)

I guess it's because sometimes in our life, we get hurt. That's reality. It's just a shame that I trusted those people. Misplaced trust, I'd coin it. Then eventually, I realized --that generally-- in my life, I have placed my trust in the very wrong people and when that hits me, it just. hurts.

I remember an old, good friend who said, that it's better to leave a little percent of that trust to yourself to keep people from betraying you. (Well, I cannot give a precise connotation of that, but that's the point) Prevent people from getting too close.Before I was disagreeing with it because I figured it's too selfish. Today, however, I reflected that maybe no. It wasn't. It's right to keep a little to yourself.. for self-defense at least.

And no. I don't think anyone's generally bad or mean. No one is. Perhaps just misunderstood.

I guess I need to reflect more to determine who among those people deserve my preserved 10% trust.

This blogpost is too serious mehn. :s

here's a random pic:

One of the pictures that I look really annoying. Yes, I'm continuing my self hating for this post. xD

The End of My First Year

So here I am, forcing (force is such a powerful word) myself to write something decent since it's been the longest time since I actually wrote something.

Well to tell you honestly, I've been contemplating for quite awhile now.

You know the feeling that while you're on your way to the computer or laptop, you're so eager to write so many things and ideas from your mind but when you try to type it-- it just goes out like crap?? Like this one?

Oh dear. Lemme start over again.

So the school year just ended (two months ago. I'm so outdated with my blogging skills.) and I amazingly passed-slash-survived my first year, man! Oh you have no idea how happy I was knowing I passed (if you look at my rantings about my days in school from my previous posts you'll feel me.)

My first year was the most memorable one because 1. I have no other experiences but this year and 2. the first will always be memorable.

My first year also gave me the first bite of reality to my life (oh wait. prior to that, I've had bad experience from my previous working place so I guess no. That's wrong). I've seen the real world that my parents have really sheltered me from and at first, it sucked. But I guess, I kinda learned how to deal with it.

My class was most of the time, chaotic (classroom management ain't easy in my first year 'ya know), but in the 4 out of 10 times, they are manageable and sweet little kids. Though you can't really avoid seeing a kid playing the deviant one.They make the class interesting and hyped up (in a good and bad sense). But well, I definitely learned from this kids.

It's kinda bittersweet. I'm happy that I can finally start the school year with my students-- but I'm sad because I'm really-- sincerely going to miss them.

I wish I could post more pictures of my kids but I doubt that's a good idea.

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This new school year will be new and I'm definitely, surely, positively going to be heaps better.

I'm excited with the seminars we'll be attending (and the snacks that come along with that too), the numbers of training will be provided with (again with the snacks) and the skills and knowledge I'll be learning from it.

Though for sure I know I won't be excited with my weight by the start of the school year, I'm also excited because aside from being busy and learning new things by summer, I'm enrolling myself for my Master's Degree meeehn! I'm so ecstatic to be a student again. I'm not sure if I'm biting more than I can chew, but I think and I hope I can manage. They said the second year being on Probationary status is the most crucial year.

I hope by the end of the this school year, I can proudly say I passed my first year in Masters aaaand my second year! Oh dear. I sound such an optimistic kid. Never knew I could be that again.

I'm between being an obsessive compulsive young adult in determining my goals at a certain time of my life by listing them all down-- but I'm wondering if I should just go with the flow to avoid frustrations. I dunno. I'll get there . I'll achieve my goals and I'm sure of it.

Just even thinking of it makes me foresee myself wearing that red toga for the master's degree. (Though I sincerely hope I can skip the thesis writing part.)

But for now, I'd like to stick on this memory:

Waiting. Taken during my college graduation when they gave that award I've worked hard to achieve. *Yay!*