My Daily 15 Minutes: Friends

During my retreat, I was encouraged to spend at least fifteen(15) minutes in silence to reflect more on my life, self and others. I have never put that to practice until today. I don't know if I will be able to sustain this daily habit, but this will be an attempt. :)

Today, I thought of my friends. Good friends, old friends. Some came, some left. It bothered me that most friends (who I just had few years ago) either backstabbed or turned their backs behind me. Only a few left. It made me wonder, Am I a bad person that the people who I considered my 'true friends' left me? Or have I expected too much of the definition of 'friendship' and 'trust'? or maybe I'm just not used to people talking behind my back?

I know for a fact that sometimes I have the tendency to get preeeeetty annoying but for sure, (and sadly) it wasn't intentional. I may act differently, but I never had mean or bad intentions for anyone. I guess I'm just always misunderstood by the dynamic and random facial expressions I have. And my voice? Uh. I'm sensitive to noise, but I'm not sensitive to my voice. (Seriously.)

I guess it's because sometimes in our life, we get hurt. That's reality. It's just a shame that I trusted those people. Misplaced trust, I'd coin it. Then eventually, I realized --that generally-- in my life, I have placed my trust in the very wrong people and when that hits me, it just. hurts.

I remember an old, good friend who said, that it's better to leave a little percent of that trust to yourself to keep people from betraying you. (Well, I cannot give a precise connotation of that, but that's the point) Prevent people from getting too close.Before I was disagreeing with it because I figured it's too selfish. Today, however, I reflected that maybe no. It wasn't. It's right to keep a little to yourself.. for self-defense at least.

And no. I don't think anyone's generally bad or mean. No one is. Perhaps just misunderstood.

I guess I need to reflect more to determine who among those people deserve my preserved 10% trust.

This blogpost is too serious mehn. :s

here's a random pic:

One of the pictures that I look really annoying. Yes, I'm continuing my self hating for this post. xD

The End of My First Year

So here I am, forcing (force is such a powerful word) myself to write something decent since it's been the longest time since I actually wrote something.

Well to tell you honestly, I've been contemplating for quite awhile now.

You know the feeling that while you're on your way to the computer or laptop, you're so eager to write so many things and ideas from your mind but when you try to type it-- it just goes out like crap?? Like this one?

Oh dear. Lemme start over again.

So the school year just ended (two months ago. I'm so outdated with my blogging skills.) and I amazingly passed-slash-survived my first year, man! Oh you have no idea how happy I was knowing I passed (if you look at my rantings about my days in school from my previous posts you'll feel me.)

My first year was the most memorable one because 1. I have no other experiences but this year and 2. the first will always be memorable.

My first year also gave me the first bite of reality to my life (oh wait. prior to that, I've had bad experience from my previous working place so I guess no. That's wrong). I've seen the real world that my parents have really sheltered me from and at first, it sucked. But I guess, I kinda learned how to deal with it.

My class was most of the time, chaotic (classroom management ain't easy in my first year 'ya know), but in the 4 out of 10 times, they are manageable and sweet little kids. Though you can't really avoid seeing a kid playing the deviant one.They make the class interesting and hyped up (in a good and bad sense). But well, I definitely learned from this kids.

It's kinda bittersweet. I'm happy that I can finally start the school year with my students-- but I'm sad because I'm really-- sincerely going to miss them.

I wish I could post more pictures of my kids but I doubt that's a good idea.

. 

This new school year will be new and I'm definitely, surely, positively going to be heaps better.

I'm excited with the seminars we'll be attending (and the snacks that come along with that too), the numbers of training will be provided with (again with the snacks) and the skills and knowledge I'll be learning from it.

Though for sure I know I won't be excited with my weight by the start of the school year, I'm also excited because aside from being busy and learning new things by summer, I'm enrolling myself for my Master's Degree meeehn! I'm so ecstatic to be a student again. I'm not sure if I'm biting more than I can chew, but I think and I hope I can manage. They said the second year being on Probationary status is the most crucial year.

I hope by the end of the this school year, I can proudly say I passed my first year in Masters aaaand my second year! Oh dear. I sound such an optimistic kid. Never knew I could be that again.

I'm between being an obsessive compulsive young adult in determining my goals at a certain time of my life by listing them all down-- but I'm wondering if I should just go with the flow to avoid frustrations. I dunno. I'll get there . I'll achieve my goals and I'm sure of it.

Just even thinking of it makes me foresee myself wearing that red toga for the master's degree. (Though I sincerely hope I can skip the thesis writing part.)

But for now, I'd like to stick on this memory:

Waiting. Taken during my college graduation when they gave that award I've worked hard to achieve. *Yay!* 

How do I feel, really?

Time and time again I told myself to start writing before the year 2012 ended but unfortunately, I never really did. Now it's already March and I wasn't able to achieve my usual tradition of encapsulating the year before the clock ticks to midnight.

To make it short, 2012 was my year. God is good to me that year. I was able to achieve my goals for myself academically, emotionally, financially and physically (yes, I was able to hit my goal weight before the year ended. ;) )  and slowly, my dreams are becoming a reality.

Today, I am going to write about how I feel. I am very happy that I passed my first year in teaching. I know I am not perfect nor good, but I am learning. I can really see how much I have learned. It makes me happy. I have been happy for the longest duration of time since I graduated college. For that, I am really, really grateful for all the blessings He has given me.

However, at the back of my mind, some things have been bothering me.

Meeting different people from all walks of life has made me more aware of the diversity of personalities. It had also surprised me for I had always been more of a loner than a sociable person.

I keep on reminding myself, "Forgive yourself for the wrong things you have done and do better next time. Just always do your best. Learning never stops. The best way to learn is to have an open mind and to take all difficulties as a challenge."

My point is-- you can never satisfy everyone. Just be true to yourself.  It is pointless to try to make someone like you when they hate you at the first place. People will judge you according to the values they grew up with and to what they think is right and... unfortunately, we all have different values.

I keep on reminding myself, I am not perfect. 
I am not perfect, but I do my best to be the best I can be. I do pray that He will guide me to be a better friend, daughter, lover, teacher and a person.

I still have so many things in mind, but I guess some things are better left unsaid.

I DO hope all these emo stuff just comes from the time of the month or some random pessimism wave. XD

That Afternoon

So there I was, fixing my things after a long, hard day of work. I piled the kids' folders one by one as I gave an attempt to organize everything as best as I can. 

It was almost sunset when I was able to finish organizing everything.

"Excuse me, Ma'am. Good afternoon po," greeted a woman's voice from behind. I glanced to look. It was my student Farah* and her guardian.

"Yes, hello. Good afternoon po," I smiled.

"Ma'am, I would like to ask for permission from you if you can allow Angel* to be absent tomorrow on their P.E. day." I gave her a second look and peered at the child she was holding; It wasn't my student Angel, it was Farah.

Although skeptical, I replied, "Why is that so po?"

"You see, she has no P.E. uniform,"
"I'm sorry but I would not allow her to be absent for that reason alone," was my reply. I was beginning to be confused for one, she's stating that Farah's name was Angel. Two, her reason for Farah's absence was pretty shallow.

"It's not that I'm being inconsiderate here,but I'm really just concerned to the activities she will miss if she will be absent for that reason alone," I continued. "If you really insist, I won't restrain you po. I just want you to be aware of what she will miss if she'll be absent tomorrow."

Suddenly, her tone changed. "She has a heart problem! She cannot be present on her P.E. day!"

I was beginning to be more confused. "Uh.. just to let you know, it doesn't mean that she's wearing her P.E. uniform, she will also be running. We wear P.E. uniforms but we do not run nor do any strenuous activities for the children on that day. in fact, there are days that we JUST wear P.E. uniforms."

"THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH YOU! YOU'RE SO INCONSIDERATE!!" she snarled at me.

I was getting more perplexed about the situation at hand.

"Huh? How was I being inconsiderate?" 

"Let's go Angel! Say goodbye to your favorite teacher!" she grabbed Farah and stormed away. My student, Farah even stuck her tongue out to me.

"Bantay lang na si Miss Ginete!" she muttered angrily as she left.

Speechless and dumbfounded, I watched her leave. 

Then behind me, I heard my colleage say, "You should inculcate values in your lesson so that your student would not have done that."

"Huh? But I always do that!" was my confused reply.

Suddenly, the hallway turned pitchblack. All I can see were my student and her guardian. The images then, began to swirl and move to the center like in a huge blackhole. Then in an infinitesimal second, I was in my bedroom.

Teacher's Blues

Today was a real rough day. 

Today felt like a suicide battle with the kids and I'm not kidding. I lost my patience despite my tremendous effort in keeping myself calm. The kids were running everywhere and anywhere like they do not recognize that there's a teacher in front of them. They were even playing during the practice when it was time to listen and behave. Their lines were not straight. They were really busy talking. I was brimming with frustration today. I swear I would've muttered (mild) profane language-- but thank goodness I was able to hold myself back. 

It's so frustrating to have finally found the correct classroom management and lose it the moment you realize you were already doing good! I really do my best everyday to handle my kids. I always search for good strategies in keeping them interested, manageable and disciplined. Oh how I wish I could be the best in classroom management. I wish I could be the best teacher I can be.

I know I can. I know achieve it--- but today just feels like I'm really far from my goal. 

We usually coin this as, "na-imbyerna."

It's okay. I still am positive that I can handle my kids tomorrow and the days after. I know they have the potential to be good and disciplined students. I know I also have the potential to be a good teacher. Today just was not the day for that.

This post is not about me, complaining and whining about my day. This is about how I feel and how I take it. Everyday is a challenge and I won't give up. I know I'll be better. I just need to be patient with my kids and most especially with myself. Take it easy. Forgive yourself. Just do better.

It made me realize.. that all those material wishlist I wanted for Christmas do not mean a thing when my kids are not performing well in school. How I wish I have a student who can actually read and understand this post. XD *sigh*

Yes, today-- I'm feeling the teacher's blue.

My 2012 Wishlist

It is no doubt the start of the Yuletide season.  I can feel the Christmas season in the weather (thanks, rain), in the wallet (13^th month pay, so sweet), in the classroom (Christmas balls never go out of style) and with the people (Hello my manita, who happens to identify me no thanks to my banga moves in giving the Kris Kringle gifts secretly).

As the season of gift giving is fast approaching, the malls are displaying more objects for sale—most especially in the clothes, shoes, bags and GADGETS department! So this post is dedicated to the generous souls (or to the person who got my codename in the Kris Kringle) who would like to give me something. Well, this is just a list of my Christmas wish list. :D

1.       Neutral or Earth colored flats or sandals

-          Yes, since I started teaching pre-schoolers, I have discovered my love for flats instead of heels. They make me move easily and comfortably. I also find them stylishly unique. I opt for neutral or earth colors because they are easy to match with any colors (or it’s simply because most of my clothes in my wardrobe are dominantly on the neutral or earth colored side—for short, the boring colors). I like neutral and earth colors because I find them interestingly cool and simple.

2.       Any formal floral blouse

-          I have been hunting at the mall for these kinds of blouses so I can wear them during wash days in school but none seem to fit my taste. I can usually find them in online stores; however, I really do not want to go through the hassle of texting, meeting and stuff (unless I’m buying a gadget that will make it HEAPS cheaper). I found one in Forever 21, but it’s a sleeveless blouse. -.-

3.       A pair of decent eyeglasses

-          I have been advised to wear glasses (HNNOOOOOOO!—yes?) because of my astigmatism. The optometrist said it’s not a NEED, if I can tolerate the headaches brought by it. Since I noticed my headaches have been recurrent these days, I think it’s tme to heed her advice. I found one that cost for 4,000Php to which was discounted to me for 2,000Php—and I declined, thinking I didn’t need it until now.

4.     Rubber-Silicone Swatch

-          It may not be evident but I’m a fan of watches. I have several watches, but only two are working now. Most of my watches are either dead because of battery problems or strap problems. Some watches, (although if I changed the battery already) don’t work anymore. I liked that watch I saw in SM. It costs 3,000Php. O.< But it’s rubber-silicone! It won’t stink when you sweat, it’s water resistant and it has 2-year warranty. T_T

5.       A Jansport Backpack with cute design (preferably Earth or Neutral colors)

-          A friend sold some backpacks back in my last year in college.  I could have afforded them, but then again, me, being an ever thrifty-at-the-wrong-places person, said and thought I don’t need it. I have several bags at home, which all turned out to be damaged or too small for my everyday needs in school.  I saw some bags online which costs 1,600Php (but I didn’t like the design).

6.       IPOD TOUCH 5^th GEN!!!!!

-          Since my iPod broke, I’ve been wanting to have it fixed ASAP. Unfortunately, no store here in Davao fixes Classic iPods’ LCD. So I thought to myself, I’ll use this old iPod as a storage device and get an itouch 4. Then, I started browsing at the apple store. I saw the ipod 5. Huge difference in the gadget itself with only 3,000Php difference. Now, I find myself drooling for the iPod. I thought I could have got my hands on this baby this month—but I was wrong. I gotta wait for 1 or 2 more pay days. T_T I’ve been constantly searching for discounts, online stores or even at the malls for cheaper prices but I still---- It’s okay. I know I’ll get you soon. I’ll just have to work hard for it to achieve it.

I might sound a little materialistic with this post, but then again, it’s a WISH list. I’ll always want to be with my family and loved ones above all that. Time, bonding and good health with my family. Peace and unity with my colleagues. Guidance and protection for my kids. More years of love and understanding with my Pahdee. :3 Afterall, none of these would matter if I’d be alone and if I’d have no one to share it with right? (Uh. I can share the flats and the blouse with my mom? XD) I know you know what I mean. Chocolates still count. J

Merry Christmas everyone!

My insights on being a teacher

Time and time again, I have constantly attempted to motivate myself to write more however I keep on failing to do so.

I want to organize this blog, but obviously, I don't know how. I want to personalize it further, but I don't know how. This however, shall make me motivated to work better on this hobby that I used to love.

Anyway, last October 26 - 29, 2012, I attended the National Seminar for the Appropriate Strategies for Learning Literacy at the Commission on Audit at the Diversion Road, Buhangin. The venue was very far and inaccessible. We had to ride a bus to get there. However, taking the bus ride eases me---disregarding the fact that I can smell different scents from different people.

When we reached there at 1, we were introduced to our speaker, Dr. Ricky Aguirre. He was very proficient and well-equipped with the topic he discussed. Contrary to many speakers of the seminar I attended, He was fun and interesting as a speaker. There were no dull moments and he spoke to our level of knowledge. However, there were moments that some teachers had difficulty understanding him due to his very rich bank of terminologies that sounded like alien terms.

But whatever to that! The important part of this blog is my insight regarding the seminar.

Being a Pre-school teacher is not easy, contrary to what I expected it to be. 

From a bird's eye view, it might sound and look simple, but in reality, there are so many things to be considered when teaching preschoolers. Yes, it's easy teaching kids because their lessons are not difficult. You don't even need to a degree from college to teach them. Being a preschool teacher is actually of an application of all the theories and laws you learned from college. No, not only an application, it's a deliberate process of synthesizing, generalizing and evaluating all knowledge you gained from school to a one, concrete, complex strategy of teaching a very simple lesson. You have to consider the nature of your students, the culture they grew up with, their skills, the activities that are appropriate for their age. It must not too easy nor too difficult for them. Still think it's easy? 

A teacher in the primary level plays a very crucial role to the child's development.

The primary level is also considered as the formative years of the child. It is at this stage wherein the child remembers things easily. Therefore a teacher in the primary level must be very proficient in communication skills because regardless of how innovative or creative she is, it will all deem pointless if it was conveyed differently, complicatedly or confusingly. The child needs to understand an instruction in the most conducive manner, which can only be attained by someone who has excellent communication skills.

A child being unable to answer a question does not necessarily mean there is no comprehension.

When you ask a child a question about the story that you tackled and he cannot answer, does that necessarily mean he did not understand? No. He might have deficits in language, because he has difficulty in conveying his ideas not necessarily meaning he did not understand. Therefore, the teacher must device different ways in appropriately measuring the skills of the child. It must not be limited to oral questions and paper and pencil tests alone. Focusing more on the process than on the product should be practiced most especially by the primary level teachers.

The main point is, being a teacher is not an easy task at all. The weight of the future's education is on you. You can definitely make a change to someone's life. It may not give a decent pay at all, but the sense of fulfillment it rewards you is more than any material thing can give. This is why I love being a teacher. :)

God has really blessed me with this job.I know deep in my heart this is for me. 
Yes I know I am constantly challenged by the behavior of my students, the deadlines I have to chase, the paperworks I deal with everyday and the pressure of being the teacher of these kids who are so used to a such luxurious living...but I'm happy. It constantly inspires me to be better. The struggles I have everyday as a teacher motivates me to do my best everyday. 

It really makes me grateful for I know that although I have my strength and weaknesses, I can prove to myself that God created me specifically for this.